Find Me Alastar

“You can’t commit.” I finish for him.

He shakes his head softly. “And I don’t want you being upset because of me.”

“I don’t want commitment, Alastar. I want respect.”

He frowns.

“You misunderstand me. I have never had a one night stand before. I am not the kind of girl who does

that sort of thing.”

“I know,” he replies sadly.NôvelDrama.Org copyrighted © content.

“I had the wildest, craziest night of my life with this gorgeous stranger and it wasn’t sleazy or cheap. I

felt cared for and cherished.”

“You were.” He picks up my hand again and smiles softly.

“And then you lied.”

He stares at me.

“I don’t want a boyfriend that lies. I don’t even want a boyfriend. I spent a long time trying to find

myself and now that I have found her… I’m keeping her.”

Confusion crosses his face.

“I want a friend. One that I know cares for me and wont lie to me.”

“You want friends with benefits?” He frowns in shock.

I shake my head. “I don’t even know what I want, but I know it isn’t putting all my eggs into one

basket, giving you or anyone else the ability to make me feel like I did this last week.”

“How did I make you feel?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Like I’m insignificant,” I whisper.

His eyes hold mine, his thumbs brushing over the back of my hand as he thinks. “How could you ever

think that?”

I shrug.

“I don’t want you with anyone else,” he whispers.

I sit back. “You just told me that you can’t commit to anything.”

“I know.” He frowns.

“What exactly are you saying?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I’m going away in six weeks and probably won’t be back before you leave.”

“And?”

“I just didn’t want things to get messy between us.”

I smirk. “So, you thought being an ass was easier?”

He nods once. I pick up my coffee and sip it. I don’t know even what to say to that. Yes, I do: Coward.

He stares into space as if contemplating something. “Tell me your idea of friends with benefits?”

I smirk. “I don’t know. I have never had it, to be honest.” I think for a moment. “In a perfect world I

would have a friendship and a connection with someone without there being any expectations.”

He frowns. “Like what?”

I shrug and smile as I sip my coffee. “Like…” I hesitate. “I would see them two or three times a week

and we would care for each other but not fall in love.”

His elbow is resting on the table, and he leans his cheek on his hand, a trace of a smile crossing his

face at my romantic dream.

“And then when it ended, when I went home to Australia, we would both marry other people.”

He watches me intently.

“Then in twenty years I could look back and say I had this beautiful friendship with a man in London

back in the day, and it would be a happy memory. Something that was dear and special to me.”

He smiles softly. “That does sound nice.”

I smile and pick up his free hand from the table. “Thank you for coming and seeing me. You are right, I

do feel better.”

His eyes hold mine and I know he wants to say something.

“You are not as much of an ass as I first thought.” I smirk.

“Could you sleep with me four or five times a week and not fall in love with me?” he asks suddenly.

I laugh. “You are so conceited, and I said two or three times, not four or five.”

“Rounding up.” He smiles, but I know he’s dead serious.

I pick up his hand and kiss the back of it. “The question is, Alastar, could you do it without falling in

love with me?”

His eyes hold mine and I melt into them a little.

“Aye.”

“And I would go home at the end of my trip? With no strings?”

He smiles softly. “Aye.”